The Unkind Mindset

I've seen inside some of the biggest businesses in the world and in every organisation I saw people default to unkind strategies, using fear, shame, greed and lies to motivate people. Even people that had been treated badly would rely on the negative and damaging tactics that worked on them before.

Unkind Mindset

I recommend, before you look into any of the other resources, you take some time to understand what the unkind mindset is and why it's likely to be the first obstacle that you and your organisation need to overcome. Although we might do it unconsciously, unkind behaviour is an everyday part of business.

What is an unkind mindset?

At the core of the unkind mindset is the idea work should be HARD.

Its called the grind, you fight for success, you give it your all, you do what needs to be done at all costs. This 'motivational' quote from an article about the importance of hard work is a good example of the unkind mindset:

In this mindset they will always be trying to break you and to succeed, you should be unbreakable. The diamond metaphor suggests a high-pressure, crushing work-life is normal.

The StrongerKinder mindset is a more caring alternative. No-one should be trying to crush or break anyone else. Yes, there are hardships and struggles at work, but these are obstacles to be overcome so that work can become an enjoyable, healthy, positive and profitable place to be.

How to identify the unkind mindset.

Aggression

Being verbally or physically intimidating such as shouting, stamping or swearing.

In any other relationship this sort of behaviour is unacceptable. In a domestic context it's abuse. In a social context it's anti-social behaviour. Shouting at someone or slamming a hand down on a table is a powerful way to convince someone, but it has long term damaging effects including anxiety, depression, suicide and self-harm.

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2. Shame

Making people feel unnecessarily bad or ashamed of themselves.

Shame is commonly used to discourage certain behaviour e.g. "You're an idiot if you think this is good idea" or "my 6 year old kid knows this is wrong". It's also often positioned as a joke, but over time it causes people to be depressed, aggressive and does nothing to prevent the type of behaviour it hopes to prevent.

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3. Lies

Hiding the truth in order to more easily control someone's decisions.

Lying or hiding the truth is usually excused as being for the greater good e.g preventing people from talking about salaries prevents resentment. Despite good intentions, all lies are designed to take away people's freedom to choose. This damages trust which means everyone has to work harder to convince people anything they say can be trusted.

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4. Exploitation

Taking advantage of generosity or naivety to avoid giving someone fair treatment.

Much like lying, exploitation damages trust. Generosity is based on trust e.g. A supplier offers more to a business trusting that they won't take more than their fair share of time & attention. If that business does take more (exploiting that generosity), it makes the supplier less likely to be generous to any business thus fixing poorer customer service to everyone.

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5. Exile

Making someone (feel) unwelcome in a team they need to be part of.

This is one of the most insidious and damaging behaviours. Social ostracism is a powerful tool for teaching socially acceptable behaviour (like a naughty step) but too much or too soon damages more than it teaches. It is also used not to teach but to coerce; by telling a person they'll never be part of the team unless they do X or to bully; by giving the silent treatment.

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6. Demotion

Making someone do a menial task below their sill level.

You've probably heard the phrase 'take someone down a peg or two'. Asking someone to do a job below their skill level is used as punishment (clean the toilet, sort the pen cupboard) where the aim is to degrade or demean someone, (literally take away their meaning or purpose) which leads to dehumanisation (treating someone as less than human) which leads to misunderstandings and ultimately cruelty.

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That's the end of this section, it's time to digest, discuss & deliver

Digest

Take some time to think about this sort of behaviour. Have you seen people using these tactics? Have you used these tactics yourself? Why do people use them?

Discuss

Talk to colleagues your trust about this. Remember it's a sensitive issue and people might feel attacked so tread gently. Ask them if they've seen this behaviour. If so, what do they think about it?

Deliver

There's not much to do yet apart from thinking differently. You might want to observe and reflect on your own and other's behaviour (but try not to judge).

Next: Kindness vs. Business

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The Unkind Mindset

I've seen inside some of the biggest businesses in the world and in every organisation I saw people default to unkind strategies, using fear, shame, greed and lies to motivate people. Even people that had been treated badly would rely on the negative and damaging tactics that worked on them before.

Unkind Mindset

What is an unkind mindset?

How to identify the unkind mindset.

Aggression

2. Shame

3. Lies

4. Exploitation

5. Exile

6. Demotion

That's the end of this section, it's time to digest, discuss & deliver

Digest

Discuss

Deliver