Have you ever asked yourself “What am I supposed to do with my life?”

I’ve definitely been asking it more since October 2017, following a hit and run in which a van knocked me unconscious and ran over my skull.

I was told by everyone I met how lucky I was to so narrowly avoid death. But I didn’t feel lucky.

I felt relieved that I hadn’t died a painful and gruesome death. But I think the luck people were referring to was the ‘the gift of life’. A gift I was given once before, by my mum, back in 1979.

This time, as an adult, I was given the gift of life again. But this time I was much more aware of the gift and what it meant. A bit like an unrequested Christmas present, I was grateful but I was also thinking “What am I supposed to do with this?”

I hadn’t asked for this gift, I didn’t know what it was for, or how to use it. But, I was surrounded by people telling me how lucky I was to have it. I felt like I needed to figure out why it was so important. And what, if anything, I should do with it.

So, like many people before me, I pondered on “what is the purpose of life?” There are lots of ways “what’s the purpose of life?” can be interpreted.

I boiled it down to three questions.

1. What is the reason for our existence?
2. What are we supposed to do with our lives?
3. What am I supposed to do with my life?

The only thing I could think to do was to try and answer each one.

I’m not saying these are THE answers. I’m saying these are the answers I came up with. These thoughts were interesting and helpful for me. I hope that you find them interesting and helpful too.

1. What is the reason for our existence?

I am a very spiritual person, but I also believe in Darwin’s theory of evolution. Here’s a quick reminder for me and everyone else.

Darwinism is a theory of biological evolution developed by the English naturalist Charles Darwin (1809–1882) and others, stating that all species of organisms arise and develop through the natural selection of small, inherited variations that increase the individual’s ability to compete, survive, and reproduce.

Here’s how I understand it.

These physical variations or changes are accidental. A creature’s DNA does not adapt to its environment; it randomly mutates.
Most mutations/changes are useless. But, sometimes these changes will give a creature an advantage, like an opposable thumb, meaning it can more easily find food, evade predators or reproduce
This means they are more likely to stay alive than creatures without this difference e.g. when the cheetahs with the superfast legs grew up, the regular slow cheetahs went hungry and died, meaning no slow-cheetah babies to keep the family line going and lots of fast cheetah babies.
After a while, the only creatures left are the ones with the difference e.g. only fast cheetahs.
In short; humans came into existence because of a series of random genetic differences that gave us an advantage over other creatures.

TLDR: The answer to the question ‘Why do we exist?’ is simply; it was an accident.

2. What are we supposed to do with our lives?

In this context I presume the ‘we’ refers to the entire human race. Therefore we’re asking, what should the human race be doing?

There’s no right or wrong answer to this question. But, as our existence came about in the same way as the other 8.7 million species on this planet, I looked at them for my answer.

As far as I can see, for all other species, there is no other purpose than survival. The reason that an individual creature is born, lives and dies is to keep that species alive.

In the absence of any other evidence, I’m going to continue under this assumption that the ‘natural purpose’ of the human species is also to survive.

If keeping the human species alive is our true purpose, should we all focus on a cure for cancer, an end to war or become health & safety experts? Rest assured, there is no need for you to stop watching box-sets on Netflix and start a new career. Here’s why.

• There are about 7 billion people on earth
• Around 50 million people die each year. That’s less than 1%
• There are about 130 million births per year. That’s about 2%
• More people are born than die
• Very few of those that die are due to aggression or violence. Most of us will die of ‘natural’ causes.
• Slightly less than 3% of those deaths are due to war, violence or suicide.
• Despite what we might think, the human race as a whole is going strong. Even in the face of war, the atomic bomb, hunger, poverty, drugs, cancer and Kim Jong Il, the population is always growing. The chances of our extinction are very slim.
• And so, frustratingly, the purpose of MY life isn’t illuminated by the purpose of the human race. My personal existence has very little effect on the survival of the species.

Nor is my purpose ridding the world of early death or disease. If I cured cancer, it might be enough to overpopulate the earth and cause a global epidemic that kills us all. If I brought about world peace, a few less people would die, but not enough to have a significant impact on the number of people that live on planet earth.

Nothing I do is really going to affect the survival of the human race.

TLDR: The purpose of the species, like all other 8.7 million species is to stay alive and avoid extinction. With over 7 billion people, almost nothing I do will help us to (or prevent us from) becoming extinct.

So, what am I supposed to do with MY life and how do I make it better?
I think this is what we’re all really asking. It’s definitely what I’m asking. After very nearly dying, being told by everyone how lucky I was, being given the gift of life (again) and still not knowing what to do with it, what I’m really saying is:

WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH MY LIFE?!

The short answer is; it doesn’t matter what you do with your life. You can do whatever you want.
That’s terrifying!

I find this thought equally terrifying and liberating. Terrifying because it gives me a lot of responsibility and probably too much choice. And I know that too much choice is paralysing.

That’s liberating!

It’s liberating too. I think that knowing this (though it might take some time to sink in) can free a lot of people from common causes of anxiety. Here are just a few.

Am I wasting my life?

Yes and no. If the purpose of life is the continuation of the species almost nothing you do will change that. By that criteria it is impossible to waste your life. But by the same criteria it is almost impossible to judge it a success.

Should I have done that?

Yes and no. If the only criteria is the continuation of the species, the only thing you shouldn’t do is commit genocide. Which means the things you can or should do are pretty unlimited. However, there are more people than resources, so genocide probably benefits the continuation of the human race. (It’s still a terrible thing to do though. Don’t do it).

I haven’t found my purpose yet?

You have. Your purpose is to exist. That is all. And if you don’t want to do that, so many other people are doing it, don’t feel obliged to stay. (That said, suicide is horrifically upsetting for the people around you, so don’t do that either.)

Is there a higher purpose?

Higher than what? Webster’s dictionary describes a higher purpose as a more meaningful reason to live or work. But it doesn’t say more meaningful than what.

Just better.

A lot of these questions, that seem to bother people the most, don’t seem to have true answers. They always come down to an elusive sense of better.

• Could I living my life better?
• Could I have made better decisions?
• Could I have chosen a better career?
• Could I be a better person?

What is better?

Better is more desirable, more satisfactory, more effective. Better is more excellent. Being better means be better than something else.

The words above are taken from Google’s dictionary definition. This definition of better is so unhelpful, it almost helps me to show why trying to make things ‘better’ is pointless.

Better is more desirable.

People have preferences. Some people prefer blondes, some brunettes. Some people like vintage chic, some iconic brutalism. Some people like Apple, some like Android. Some people like muscly men, some like curvy women. It is impossible to make something or someone more desirable across the board. As soon as something or someone becomes more desirable to one group, it becomes undesirable to another.

You might become ‘better’ by becoming slimmer. This might be better in the eyes of one person, and in doing so, worse in the eyes of another. You might make a coffee ‘better’ by making it sweeter. This might be better in the eyes of one person, and in doing so, worse in the eyes of another.

In both these cases you haven’t made something better. You have simply made it slimmer or sweeter.

Better is more satisfactory.

What satisfies one person doesn’t always satisfy another. In fact, what satisfies a person on a Monday might not satisfy them on a Tuesday.

One person might be satisfied by a small coffee. Another might only be satisfied by a large coffee. Is it better for the the first person to have more coffee, even though they were satisfied with a small cup?

On Monday morning I might only be satisfied by a large coffee. By Tuesday, a small coffee will satisfy my caffeine needs.

Larger isn’t always more satisfying. Larger isn’t always better. It is only larger.

Better is more effective.

Effective is a lot like better. Being more effective means being successful in producing a certain result. But, like desirable, not everybody agrees on what the result is.

My little girl likes roundabouts. The kind that you get at parks. I have tried to make things better by being a more effective spinner. I can make her go faster. She said stop. Faster wasn’t better. The other boy on the roundabout said “You’re a rubbish spinner”. Apparently I didn’t spin fast enough.

Faster wasn’t better. It was only faster. Slower wasn’t better. It was only slower.

Making things better is pointless.

Better means different things to different people. Making things ‘better’ isn’t helpful. You can make them faster, slower, smaller, bigger, blonder, slimmer, more muscly or more luxurious but none of these things are ‘better’. They are what they are.

Better is a black hole

Unfortunately the times I hear it most are when people don’t feel great about their life, for example:

• They’ve got it better than me
• I want a better life
• They think they’re better than me

When I hear this, people say it likes it’s a fact. They say it like we all know what ‘better’ is.

We use better all the time. We say to kids that “Mum, will make it better”. When you’re ill we say “Get better soon”. If you could get that promotion you’d be “better off”. We strive for a “better standard of living”.

But there’s no such thing as better. You can have more money, more spare time, more sex, less sex, be slimmer, be wider, be quicker, be slower, be smarter, be quieter, be louder, be almost anything BUT JUST ‘BETTER’ IS A NEVER ENDING AND IMPOSSIBLE TASK.

Here is the purpose of life and why trying to make it better is pointless.

The purpose of your life is anything you want it to be.

Through evolution, society, politics, medicine, war or whatever else, you have been given a free pass. You don’t need to worry about the higher purpose (survival of the species) that’s been taken care of. Take your free pass and do whatever you want with your life.

You can make your life anything you want, but not better.

Better is an unhelpful word that everyone can agree is a good thing, but nobody can agree on how to make it happen. Your version of better can be anything you like, but don’t just be better. Be specific.

These are just a few things you can be instead of being better.

Kinder, funnier, stronger, faster, sexier, more timid, more humble, more stylish, more frugal, more generous, more creative, braver, more considerate, less stressed, slimmer, bigger, happier.

Which ones are you going to choose?