I’ve been fortunate in my career to see inside some of the biggest organisations in the world. I’ve worked with leaders in companies like Unilever, Marks & Spencer, Wagamama, Lloyds Banking Group, Talk Talk, Boots, Asda, Jet2, BMW and Microsoft. As a communications & marketing strategist I’ve been invited behind the scenes into hundreds of businesses.

No matter where I’ve been, I have always seen people try to achieve their objectives with unkind tactics. Stress, fear, shame and anger always seemed to be the go-to strategies, despite their long-term negative impacts. 

These tactics work in the short-term, but they demotivate and confuse people. It makes colleagues nervous, tired and secretive. A lack of kindness creates cultures where people don’t trust their colleagues. Gossip becomes rife and projects don’t progress because of internal politics. 

[When I originally published this] Today isn’t just National Kindness Day. It’s also the day when Dominic Cummings announced that he would be leaving his government position. The special adviser to Boris Johnson has a reputation as a talented manipulator. His announcement has been followed by much discussion about his tactics. In particular, people have suggested that current Conservative fragmentation and rebellion demonstrates that his tactics might have won Boris the leadership, but they don’t make Boris a leader. Bold, risky campaigns that don’t consider people’s feelings or principles have a powerful short-term impact. However, (as I say) they create cultures where people don’t trust their colleagues, where gossip is rife, and projects don’t progress because of internal politics. One might say this exactly where the current Conservative government have found themselves. Once again, I can’t think of a better time to share what I’ve learned about kindness and success. 

StrongerKinder.com

StrongerKinder.com is designed for anyone who is part of an organisation and wants to work without exploiting or hurting those involved. There will be many people who hear that goal and don’t believe it applies to them. There are just as many people for whom it will resonate. What I call the unkind-mindset tends to be a lack of focus on kindness, rather than being mean on purpose. The idea behind the website is to make it easier for me (and other people) to find ways of being kind. 

My background isn’t in business strategy. I spent a few years in law-enforcement where I learned a huge amount about human behaviour. That job was rewarding but takes a toll on one’s mental health. Personally, I think that all law enforcement employees should have mandated time off to work in a less negative environment, so that they can be reminded of the good in the world. 

Instead, I moved into marketing strategy for over 20 years. Once again, I have learned a lot about human behaviour. I’ve always had an aptitude for motivating teams and creating communications with audiences. It’s only as I became more senior that I saw my strategic approach was founded in conflict resolution. 

Before I worked in marketing or law-enforcement, I studied Peace at the University of Bradford. I learned a lot about global politics and the conflicts it creates. But, the parts that stuck with me the most were about conflict resolution. I have never forgotten one rule in particular: 

A forced peace is no peace at all. 

If you win your position through aggressive methods (like war, blackmail or shame) your counterparts will always be waiting for an opportunity to turn the tables and take that position from you. Not just that. Even while ‘the defeated’ parties are doing as instructed, they do it bitterly, without care or enthusiasm. The tasks they carry out are rarely effective. 

Think about how often this thinking applies to the workplace. Employees are forced into doing something they don’t agree with. Managers use tactics like shame, fear or aggression to persuade colleagues to carry out a task. But, like a defeated army, those employees carry out their tasks badly. Those colleagues keep half a mind on when they will be in a higher position. They use gossip to undermine confidence in the current leadership. 

No amount of unkind tactics can undo or prevent this situation. Only kindness can create a culture where the leadership is respected and enthusiastically followed. More specifically, consideration, generosity and friendliness.

Many of the disruptive management models that came out in the early 2000’s followed this thinking. Companies like X/Twitter, Google and Evernote attracted attention for kinder policies. They included free-time in work, free-food at work or unlimited annual leave. But this is no utopia. These policies were designed to keep employees motivated so that they would be more productive. One only needs to look at the rate of growth to see that these policies serve to attract talent and make them productive. It’s highlighted in the recent Netflix film ‘the Social Dilemma’.

When these companies stopped being considerate and worked with a more unkind mindset, the major talent left. Where did they go? Mostly into making businesses more ethical. 

It is common for kindness to be seen as the softer side of human behaviour. Many business graduates believe that they need to be ‘brutal’ in order to run an effective business. This perception reminds me of another important lesson I learned from the Peace Studies department: 

Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness. 

Being kind doesn’t mean letting people get away with bad behaviour. I’ve made people redundant when their role could not be rationalised by the business. I’ve terminated employees’ contracts when their quality of work didn’t meet our needs. I’ve refused to pay suppliers when they have provided a sub-standard service.

But, I have done all these things with kindness. I have considered their side and taken the time to understand how/why we reached this position. I have been friendly, showing them that I am open to discussion and (hopefully) that I can be trusted. I have been generous, giving them more than I have to. Being kind doesn’t mean you don’t get to deal with anything difficult. There will always be bad news days. But, if I have learned one thing it’s this:

We are stronger when we are kinder. 

We build better relationships that last longer and have more positive long-term effects. It encourages more honest communication which, in turn, builds trust. That trust is vital in keeping things running smoothly during the hard times. And, there are always hard times. Teams are more motivated meaning they produce better work. People are more honest, creating better chances for collaboration. Communication also reduces the chance that important information is lost.

Kindness attracts talented people and keeps them on your team. It builds rapport with suppliers leading to flexibility. It shows clients you play well with others. This makes it easier for them to bring you on board. In short, being kinder creates more effective, more profitable and more robust organisations.